Fatherless Mothers - It's not your son's fault

I['m not sure how many of you have been watching this season of Iyanla Vanzant's Fix My Life episodes - but I have managed to fit it into my busy schedule. This is one TV show I will not miss. She has been sharing with us the life of one young man with 34 children by 17 different woman. Now, I am not here to judge or make light of the situation, but what I am here to do is shed some light on what has been happening.

Last night's episode was about the father's and talking with them and trying to figure out what is their thought process when it come to having children with multiple women. I'm not a man so I can't speak to that. But what did touch my heart as one young man who is 27 years old with 4 children and 1 on the way and all from different women. His mother broke down in the audience - Iyanla stopped and went to the aide of the mother. She told the mother that she couldn't just be crying, she had to put reason to the tears.

The mother shared with the audience how she be littled her son, she spoke death into his life and those words manifested through the young man's life,  and she took her anger and rage against his father out on him. I was like "WOW" this is powerful. It was like a spiritual encounter was happening right be for my very eyes on national TV. That young man broke down in tears as the stronger men held his back. AMAZING!.!

I was a single mother as well. Even though I've been married a couple of times, but I still operated as a single mom. But what I did not do was take out my rage against his father on him. You know why... well I didn't have any rage against his father. We were kids when I was pregnant - 16 to be exact and he is a year younger than me... so you do the math. Who was I suppose to be mad at? Really... there was no one to be mad at. Not once did he provide for me nor did her pay child support, never bought a gift nor paid for pampers. I believe that's why I ended up marrying twice - looking for a daddy for my son. " I never found him - at least not on earth" I give all glory to God that Adrian has turned out to be a fine young man, a great husband and provider. "I'm still waiting on grands"... lol. But seriously, I know it was through the grace and favor of God he is the man he is today.

My message to you mother's who may have or are currently mis-treating your sons because of what his father did to you. STOP IT NOW! - It is not his fault. You have a responsibility to your sons. You may not have had your father in your life _ I had mine but I didn't live in the house with him. My grandmother raised me - so sometimes I felt like I was an only child being raised my a single mom.

You have a responsibility to:

1. Tell him the truth about his father and apologize for the part you played in the situation. (Adrian may have seen his father 4 or 5 times in 33 years - ) and you know what - he has accepted the fact that they may never have a relationship - he will always be his father, that we can't change.

2. Show him how to love - show your sons how to treat a woman by showing him how to treat you, teach him how to cook (he just might marry someone that doesn't know how). Show him how to do the laundry, clean the house, and show him how to BUY YOU GIFTS. He will do these things once he does get married.

2. Teach him how to care for himself. - Let him know he is special and loved. Let him know he is a winner and there is nothing he can't do that he puts his mind to. I remember when Adrian was 20 - he asked me if he could go to New York and chase his dream of singing - I said yes - why - because I loved him enough to let him go -experience life - HE WAS BACK HOME IN 4 MONTHS - :). Why because he realized that was not the life for him.

3. Let him breath - don't pat his back when he's hurting - lean an ear - he's a big guy - he can handle it. Don't bother him when he's in his room alone - most men think better when left alone - and let him talk when he's ready - all you need to do is listen.

So mothers - be the example of what a lady should be to your sons and I promise you - he'll be careful who he bring home to meet you. And if you are hurting because of what his father did to you - FORGIVE HIM and live. You've done pretty good so far... :)

Find Peace Within
Ms. Lisa
Be blessed