This doesn't always happen when we're dealing with humans. Often times, who a person presents to the world is not who the person really is. It's like dating, most people show up on the date as an representation of who they believe the other person would like to see and would like to spend time with.
Let's say, the relationship starts out really good... the two involved are really enjoying spending time together, then one day, the guards are let down and something dark about one of the persons is revealed.
You then have to make a decision... is this someone whom I want to spend time with and invest my emotions into? Many of us don't end the relationship, but continue on with the hopes that part of the person's character will not present him or herself too often. But, that THING continues to show up. You then make the decision NOT to be apart of the relationship anymore.
Is it wrong that you decided to look out for YOURSELF first? Is it wrong that you made a conscious decision about your future and your future emotions with this person? Is it wrong to make the decision to NOT invest anymore time into a relationship that you know will take you down a dark hole? Is it wrong that you made a decision about the type of person you would like to do life with? Absolutely NOT. I say, make the decision now while it's FREE before you have to PAY to get out of it. And the paying doesn't always have to be money. That paying could be time, effort, emotional connection, money, etc. Love and relationships are not limited to marriage.
I hear you saying..."Where are you going with this Lisa?" Here's where I'm going with this...
I have very few friends, even though I am a very friendly person and am pretty nice and pleasant to people I meet. However, when it comes down to people whom I spend time with, I'm very selective.
Recently I had to tell a close friend or someone whom I though was very close, that our friendship was one-sided and I didn't believe there was value in continuing in the friendship. Friendships works both ways...why do I have to be the one doing all the giving in the relationship? After all we suppose to be looking out for each other, RIGHT... When I find out that you've shared some of our most intimate conversations with other's... this puts a breach in our relationship.. I can know longer trust you with my heart, therefore, your type of friendship is not the type of friendship I choose to have.
She was Offended, yes, very Offended. WHY? Because when you call someone on the carpet and hold them accountable for their actions...it's easy to become offended. BUT when you're really sincere in your intentions and in the relationship, you'll be willing to correct your behavior, make amends and move forward. That however didn't happen... So, as I stated before...Is it wrong to end it when it's not working anymore..."ABSOLUTELY NO!"
When do you know it's time to end the relationship?
1. When you are too depended on one another - if your friend has to know your every move..it's time to move one. If he or she gets offended when you spend time with your other friends... This is not a good sign of a healthy relationship. Talk about it, if the talk isn't received the way you intended, then its time to let it go.
2. The friendship is one-sided - as in my case. The friendship was one-sided. I gave - she took. This is not the way friendships are supposed to be. It may take time before you begin to notice this behavior. But, once you begin to notices it, say something..If its received and you two can work it out, then do so, if not, then it's time to move on. sometimes friends don't even realize what's happening, which too can be a bad thing..as they may have a selfishness about themselves that they can't recognize when you're in pain. That too isn't good for any relationship.
3. Your friend isn't supportive - this is HUGE for me. I'm an author and a singer.. my friend doesn't have any of my books,(only the sample/proof I gave her and hasn't read that either) and doesn't come to hear me sing, even when it's around the corner. I don't even feel comfortable telling her where we're going to minister or if I'm working on another book... WHY, because she will make it about her, say something sarcastic, and talk about what she did or didn't do. This is not a good friend to have. Once again, talk about it as I did, and make a decision... if you can't be supportive, then you're probably not a good friend.
4. When you're going down different paths - Sometimes you just grow apart. It's good when you can still have your elementary or high school best friend in your latter years. You stayed in touch, did girl trips, became the god parents of each other's children, stood up for each other at all your weddings. She's there for you when you were hurting and laughing. But what happens when you're just not going in the same direction and you just don't have much in common anymore? You're not doing the same type of stuff anymore... no clubbing, no smoking, no sleeping around, no lying and back biting..If your friendships aren't enhancing you, then you probably need to evaluate the value in the relationship.
When Accountability and Soul Meets - Soul will give you the courage to face a friend when you feel things aren't right. Soul will force you to make a decision about what works best for you. As the Soul's wants to be at peace with all men. at all times and will let you know when you are not at PEACE.
Don't be afraid to let The Soul help you hold other's accountable for the way they treat you..
Remember to Find Peace Within
Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa
