All Bad Isn't Bad - When Dependence and Soul Meets

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.." Elizabeth Barrett Brownings

This is how much we should love our SOUL. depth, breadth, height, everyday, quiet, sun and candlelight. Free, pure, passion,love that is lost, through smiles, tears, and all my life. and if God is willing I will love my SOUL even better after death... because I did the work here on earth so that my soul will be happy when it departs this earth.

We can't care for the soul unless we are familiar with its ways. What do I mean when I say, "familiar with its ways". What I'm saying is, we can't care for something if we don't know how it works, how it should be. We should observe our SOUL and how it responds to certain situations. How much do I love my SOUL? Do I love her enough to give her the attention she needs to be better. When we observe the soul we keep an eye on what ever she is wondering and gazing at. We observe the latest addictions, a striking dream, or a troubling mood she may be in. We notice when she's out of character and or doing something that is out of the ordinary. 

I'll share one of my most resent experiences that made me observe my soul and how she was responding to how I was acting. 

Recently I started working part-time for a small company where I keep their financials. I took this job because it was something new and I like doing spreadsheets and working with numbers. As I was going through my training, I noticed how dependent I had become on the other employee who was training me. I wouldn't do anything with out their help or without her approval. You see, I was new to this type of business and didn't feel I was capable of learning it. She, too, made me feel like I wasn't capable of doing the job because of those who did the job before me. I became so dependent on her that it would cause me to make errors that I normally wouldn't make. I began having anxiety when I saw her number on my phone. WHY, because, I felt she was calling to tell me I made a mistake and or ask me why did I do such and such. 

I had to ask myself the question, why are you responding to her that way. What is it you're afraid of?"  I discovered that I was responding to her that way because I didn't want to fail. AND the fear of disappointing myself petrified me. I wanted to do a good job. You see, I depended on her so much that I made mistakes I would not have made had I had the confidence I needed to do the job. 

This experience let me see that I still had areas in my life where I needed to grow. It wasn't until she wasn't available to help me that I discovered I had it in me all along. I was capable of doing the work and I could do a good job too. 

So, what does that have to do with the SOUL? 

The SOUL needs certain things to grow. Certain things needs to happen in your life that will cause you to observe how you respond to what life is throwing at you. The SOUL will let you know what needs to be dealt with in your life. But it's not until you are awakened by some situations that will make you stop and think.

Being dependent on someone will make you feel powerless and insecure. You'll have the inability to make decisions on your own. Ask yourself this question, "When does dependence show up in your life?" What triggers in your being that makes you become dependent? For me, it's when I don't feel good about myself or when I don't want to be held accountable if something goes wrong. I can easily point the finger at someone else and not be blamed. (this was before I did my work... :). )

Now, that we see that being dependent can open our SOUL to what is really going on in our "being", we can begin to do the work that we need to do to become whole within ourselves and learn to be inter-dependent. 

Here are a few steps to help you begin your journey..

1. Become conscious of the fears underlying your dependence.
    It could be something as small as sleeping with the lights on. Often our patterns began as     a child but we never stopped them once we became an adult. Why do you need to check     on your children everyday, now that they are away from home? Could it be more about         you and less about them? 

2. Don't Fear Lonliness
    It's okay to just BE with your BEING. Don't fill your time up with doing because you're           afraid of the thoughts you have when you're alone. That's the time when you need to             connect with what the SOUL is saying to you. This is when you can make peace with             yourself. Say I'm sorry, and tell yourself how much you mean to you.Take this time to find     out who you are and what it is you like and don't like. Make the adjustments as you begin     to grow into your own person. 

3. Don't Push Away Your Source of Emotional Dependence
   Overcoming emotional dependence is not about finding "Fault" with yourself and changing    it, but its more about using it as a guidance to finding out what truly lies on the other side      of the fear or insecurity that was causing the dependence. Take the bad part and identify      what is good on the other side.

When Bad and Soul Meets, you'll begin to overcome your emotional dependence. Freedom awaits..Your SOUL is depending on it.

Remember to 
Find Peace Within

Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa 

The After Math - When Reality and Soul Meets

Soul Food, Soul Man, Soul Sister, Soul Brother, Soulful Music. These are all familiar terms we've heard at one point in our life. But have we ever really stopped to ask the question...WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?  I haven't given much thought to any of the terms until I began my journey to finding peace within and the true soulfulness of MY SOUL and who I really am within. Some may say I"m a little deep when it comes to finding peace within and doing the work that's needed but I say, "I'm on a mission to wholeness and a permanent place of peace." Now - back to the SOUL..

Soul Food - Food that makes you feel good inside. The food that most healthy people such as myself stay away from. Mac and Cheese, Fried Chicken, Rice and Gravy, Collard Greens, Candid Yams, Homemade Biscuits, Homemade Pound Cake with Ice Cream.... yes... making you hungry... It puts smiles on your face because they are often cooked by big ma'ma in a heart felt kitchen filled with love and authenticity.

Soul Man, Soul Brother - That man who speaks his mind, who is true to his culture and isn't afraid to let the world know. He is often the one walking around reminding us of where we came from and who we are as a people. His words can often be spoken  perceived as harsh and stereotyped but they are spoken with much passion, which only comes from a place of love and pride for his heritage.

Soul Sister - That sista-girl who isn't ashamed of skin color, her nappy hair, her hips, her lips, or her curves. She isn't afraid to go natural with her curly hair and natural look. She too, is true to her roots and isn't afraid to let it be known who she is and where she came from. Some would say, she's a very strong confident woman who knows what she wants and who she wants in her life. She can be perceived as being stuck up or arrogant in her demeanor. But her passion, too, comes from a place of love for her heritage and all it represents.

Soul Music - That music that takes you back to the days of true love and freedom. That place that reminds you of when things were good. That music that speaks to the very depth of what being human really means. Soul Music makes you wanna make love to the one you love and stay in there forever. You know that Erika Bado, Jill Scott, Lenny Kravitz, Maxwell kinda music. (smiling) I'll stop there. The music that speaks to the very core of who we are as a people. This music can sometimes be perceived as love songs or songs that speak of pain and war. But the very passion of the lyrics come from a place of love for the heritage it represents.

What is the common theme here? Passion and Love. This is what the SOUL speaks when we speak. It speaks that thing that you're passionate about that thing that you love. Which is what drives you to make the decisions you make in life. The soul is the image of what someone or something is made of and from. There is genuineness and depth that comes out of the heart of those who have a clear understanding of their SOUL.

When SOUL is neglected it doesn't just go away it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence and loss of meaning. When Reality and Soul Meets the temptation is to isolate the symptoms or try to dismiss them one by one. But this only causes the soul to suffer even more. What reality needs to do is deal with the root problem and deal with the reason wisdom is no longer the guiding force for SOUL.

For years, I dealt self-pity and low-self esteem along with lack of self-worth and self-value. The after-math was the Bulimia, Promiscuity, Adultery, and Pornography,  which are addictions and obsessions that can tear a person down if not dealt with.  I didn't realize these were illnesses and issues related to the spirit of heaviness. It took me dealing with my REALITY and telling the MYSELF THE TRUTH about who I was and what I had become. When my reality met my soul, my soul won because reality spoke the truth about what was really going on in my life. I wanted to be free..whole.. and true...I did my work...

Self-Knowledge and Self-Acceptance is the foundation of the soul.You can't deal with the SOUL without dealing with our relationship with God. We have to understand that we cannot solve our "emotional" problems without the help of God and honoring Him in the process of our spiritual walk.

Getting to the matters of the SOUL is a spiritual matter that requires you to meet REALITY in the middle, tell the truth, be genuine and authentic, and let God handle the end.

Remember, to Smile, Show-Up & Succeed Everyday

Find Peace Within

Be Blessed,
Ms. Lisa

Am I Still Beautiful Without It?

Long hair, beautiful face, perfect teeth, white as ivory... Big long lean legs, nice round booty that sits up high enough to put a wine glass on. Blue eyes, Hazel eyes, Brown eyes, and perfect ears..perfect nose...not too wide and not too narrow. Thick eye-brows and long pretty eye lashes.. not the fake ones either. Let's even go as far to say, nice breast, maybe a C cup. Not too big and not too small. A walk that will turn heads allll the way around..a smile that can catch the eye of a blind person...and hands as soft as a babies bottom. Many of these attribute to what we would call the perfect woman's body. You know the figure 36-24-36 oh, what a winning hand...she's a brick house..... I'm sure many of you may know the rest of the song...so there's no need for me to complete the lyrics. LOL.

But what if for some unforeseen God forbidden reason, you no longer had those beautiful attributes --- would you still be beautiful without it?

Now, I've always considered myself to be a pretty girl. Back when I was growing up, pretty girls were thought to be light skinned, long hair, nice smile, nice butt, long pretty legs, (no scares), cheer-leader, majorette, type...and she had a beautiful BIG personality. Those were the girls most of the boys looked at. Many were seen on the arm of the most valuable football or basketball player. Jersey and all...If you were anything other than that you weren't considered a pretty girl. Now, today, I totally don't agree with that. God has made us all beautiful and in His likeness and image.

But what happens when what God gave us is no longer apart of us?

Here's my story. Now, this is my BRAND my BEAUTIFUL BIG SMILE... people that know me, knows I smile all the time. I even wrote my first book about smiling. Well, on April 20, 2017 I was eating a salad and a piece of my tooth broke off while chewing. I couldn't believe it... a piece of my tooth broke off and I wasn't even eating anything hard. Lucky for me I had a dental appointment the following week for a teeth cleaning, so I would have them fix it with filling and I'll be okay. Well, that's not what happened. The doctor said they could not save the tooth and would have to do a tooth extraction and give me a partial tooth. I agreed to having the tooth pulled. On May 5th I went to have my tooth pulled. It was a painful process.... it's not like the tooth was loose and all they had to do was shake it a little and it would come out - NO, they had to numb my face, and almost put me to sleep to pull it. Once it was all over and I went home and looked in the mirror, the reality hit me..I NO LONGER HAD MY BEAUTIFUL SMILE BECAUSE I HAD THIS HUGE GAP IN MY MOUTH!!! :(

The problem was, the tooth wasn't in the back, it was right on the side where the gap could be seen. I began to think to myself... how in the world am I going to ever smile again...what am I going to do now... and I love to smile...Everyone is going to be looking at me and talking about my gap. My husband will not want to kiss me anymore, which will make intimacy challenging.... we've never had that problem before and Lord, I don't want to start now.  After a few days the feeling began to come back... again...I questioned how was I going to ever smile again with this huge gap in my mouth. And to make matters worse, the tooth was pulled out on the side where my dimple used to be... it was gone due to the anesthesia. I was devastated.. I begin to cover my mouth when I smiled because I was embarrassed first and I thought I wasn't beautiful anymore since I didn't have all my teeth.

As I began to have myself a little pity party I began thinking about the many men and women who have lost their hair due to cancer, or who may have lost a limb in combat. And even for the worker who may have lost a limb while working on a machine, or the person who was burned on the face due to a house fire. How dare I sit here and complain about not being able to smile because I didn't have all my teeth. And what about the young lady whose boy-friend throw gasoline on her face because she no longer wanted to be with him. Not only that, I could think of something even closer to home.. my oldest sister Hope, who lost all her hair while under-going chemotherapy for Breast Cancer....

I began to repent for my selfish thoughts and began thanking God for allowing me to have the activities of all my limbs and the fact that I still had my smile even with a missing tooth - that would be replaced in a few months.

This experience got me to thinking... how many of us question if we're still beautiful when tragic things happens to our best body attributes? When that beautiful beauty mark is no longer beautiful in our eyes. What happens when that long hair is lost to cancer treatments or to any other disease or medications? What happens when those pretty long legs have to be amputated due to diabetes? What happens when the car accidents takes place and your face is shattered by the glass from the windshield? Will you still be beautiful without it? Absolutely! Beauty is not surfaced. Beauty is the person you've become, the person God made you to be. The character you've developed during the hard times. How are beautiful things made? In the press... Don't be so caught up in the act of looking beautiful... as it is only temporal... Real beauty is in BEING your authentic self, being who and what you say you are, even with a gap.

Don't concern yourself with looking beautiful - practice on being beautiful... :).


Remember to Smile, Show Up Succeed Everyday
Find Find Peace Within,

Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa

My Life as an Eater - The Spirit of Heaviness

Two bowls of cereal, one donuts, and two cups of coffee. That would have been my morning breakfast. A Sonic brown bag and a big gulp, sounds like lunch and dinner... well you already know, fried chicken, rice and gravy, add some mac and cheese with two butter milk biscuits, and we're all filled up. Stomach's bloated and the mind is saying, "you're going to be fat"... sounds familiar?

Now, let's add the system of heaviness. The system that has held many of us bound to the spirit Bulimia. That demon had me held down for years. I thank God, I am now free and delivered from the system of Heaviness and Whoredoms. Let's talk about it and free ourselves so that we can all walk free and find peace within.

Self-Pity a Walk to Self -Worth
There are several traits/characteristics to the spirit of heaviness which leads us to the disease of Bulimia. Self Pity is one of the traits that The Spirit of Heaviness manifest through. Here is what I know about Self-Pity. Self-pity is what caused me to develop that eating disorder of Bulimia. I was either fat or thin.. in my own mind that is. Self-pity caused me to have a negative image of who I was and how I presented myself to the world. Self-pity made me wonder where did I fit in-who cared for me and was I even worthy of love. Self-pity had me thinking I was fat when in all reality I was thin. Self-pity had me saying yes to someone who would later hurt my heart and cause me to walk into areas that caused me great pain. It has taken years for me to realize I was walking in the spirit of heaviness and self-pity was just ONE of the many ways it showed itself in my life.

As I researched more about the Spirit of Heaviness and how it manifest itself the Holy Spirit gave this to me.

This is the definition of PIT - make a hole in, make a hollow or indentation in the surface of.
What is Self? Self is a person's essential being that distinguishes them from another.

What is a Pit? Think of a BBQ pit, used for cooking food outside, filled with black suet. A PIT is a place used for a specific activity. Self-pity makes a hole in our heart- a shallow place that is not deep enough to swim in and not enough space to breath.

This is my spiritual definition of Self-pity. - Self-pity - personal hole used to hide oneself, hides one's soul, hides one's ability to be an individual that makes them different from all the rest.  

I asked myself this question - How did I hide in self-pity? Here are the ways I hid in self pity, you perhaps, may have found yourself here or may find yourself hiding here at this moment.

1. Denial - not seeing things for how they really are/were.
2. Broken Heart- not being able to give love and receive love.
3. Grief - sobbing about every event that has happened or is happening in your life
4. Dejection - having a melancholy, gloomy, sad spirit. Never finding anything to smile or be happy about.

You may even find it hard to laugh at life and at yourself. You may tend to crave for drama, crave for sympathy and you may even live in the past. Deep down you don't believe you're worthy of love. There are times when you're faced with situations that cause you to go into the fight or flight mode. Becoming the victim is your way of dealing with conflict. Does any of this sound familiar? If so, here are some practical steps you can take to your freedom from Self-Pity.

1. Recognize that you have a choice. You can blame others of take responsibility for what you did,         recognize it and grow. As I began my spiritual journey, I took a hard look at the self inflicted              wombs I caused for myself. I owned them and made a vow to never lie to myself again. I had to          stand in my own truth! I took responsibility for every wrong I did to myself and to others. Just            knowing that I had a choice, either to stay in denial or face the hard ugly truth about what I did, has    helped me become more spiritually aware of my soul and the choices I make for it.

2. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel the pain. Acknowledge it's there-then resolve it and befin           your work to becoming your authentic-self internally. Feeling the pain was by far one of the                 hardest    part of my spiritual journey. That meant I had to relive some of the hurts that took place       in my life. Even as a young child. What a journey that was. Recognizing that I was the one                   identified as #7 or the one who didn't live with the family or the one who got pregnant in my               brother's bedroom the summer after finishing the 10th grade. Let's not talk about the pain that came     along with two divorces and the affairs that came with them. Had I not felt the pain, I wouldn't be       able to write this freely to you today. Thank God for the pain.

3. Get the Desire for more control of your life. Don't let someone else control your feelings. Make a         decision to respond with your better self. It maybe hard to do that when you're still in your healing     process. But as your continue to take your journey, you'll be able to have full control of your life         and how you respond to it. The day I walked away from both marriages I took control of my life. I     have my voice back and I will never be silent again.

4. Commit to not bragging about the bad - even to yourself. Remember, out of the abundance of the         heart, the mouth speaks. Start speaking life into your spirit. Speak truth to who you are and who         you know God has made you to be. If you don't know that yet, continue to pray and seek His face,       and He will show you that you are truly the apple of His eye. I came to terms with this 15 years           ago. I knew I was worth His love and worthy of His grace. And so are you.

5. Do something productive for yourself. Treat yourself to a day out. It doesn't have to be at the spa, it    could just be going to Wendy's and buying some ice cream. It could be just going to the mall and        buying yourself a new pair of shoes. What lady doesn't like shoes. Or it could just be going out in        your yard and planting flowers. Working in my yard is one of the ways I relax. Yes, it's work, but        it's relaxing work for me - and I treat myself to an ice cream cone from time to time.

6. Notice the good things in your life- have a gratitude journal. I am a true journalist. I report the             news about my own life for me to read. My journals will be my history my story to my family and       the world. What I've found to be very therapeutic for me is to give thanks and be thankful. Every         morning I write in my journal starting with a thank you to the Lord for waking me up. I let Him           know how much I love Him and I then begin thanking Him for ALL He's done for me. I send my       husband emails every morning letting him know how much I appreciate him and his love. I let my       son's know that they are on my mind and that I am very proud of who they have become. If finding     something good in your life is hard right now, that's okay... you can start by just saying, Thank You     Lord for today. As you begin thanking Him, He'll begin showing you more of the good you have in     your life.

By faith, take the necessary steps you need towards finding peace within and breaking the system of Heaviness and the spirit of Self-pity. There is so much more for you than you could ever imagine... open your heart to receive all He has for you....

Remember a "Centered Soul is a Centered Mind"
Find Peace Within,

Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa

Let's get it all out the closet... Living a simple, peaceful life often requires us to get those skeletons out of the closet. Now that Spring is right around the corner, take time to quiet yourself and take a good look at what you want to follow you into Spring, Do you want to give off good energy or bad? Do you want to be liked or honest? Do you want to live free or live in fear? Need a few tips on how to get there?

Tip 1 - prayer and meditation 

Tip 2 - Don't be afraid of what you discover 

Tip 3 - Be serious about who and what has to exit your life.  I believe the hardest part about cleaning the closet is the memories that you will let go of in order to live a clean and simple life. All memories aren't worth holding on. 

Remember to Smile Show UP Succeed Everyday

Find Peace Within

Be blessed,

Ms. Lisa 

When Was Your First Time?

I remember it like it was yesterday. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The feeling was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. Such a feeling of freedom..... nobody to tell me what I was feeling was wrong, or what I was doing had consequences. My thought was, "what took me so long to give into my desire." Not only did it give me a great feeling of independence, but I wanted more and I didn't want the feeling to end. I loved it and wanted to remain in this state forever.

When was the last time you felt freedom?

I remember about 25 years ago, I had to be all things to all people and I had to be the way they all wanted me to be. I had to denounce ever getting married the first time. I had to say my first marriage never existed before I could marry my second husband who was Catholic. I never knew and or dreamed I would have to deny who I was or where I had been in order to be with someone else. Silly me, I did it anyway. Ignorance and Stupid Love... we all know the end of that story... it ended..

Walking away was the first time I felt FREE. Free to say, NO, I ain't doing it. YES, that's what I want. Getting there(free) was a journey, but staying there (free) was a choice.

Do you remember your first time? Your first bit of freedom, your first time of accepting yourself just the way you are? There aren't many of us who can honestly say, I'm okay being who I am without comparing ourselves to someone else. I've noticed the older I get the more comfortable I am with being Lisa. This is my first time...

In the words of the worlds most famous poet, +Maya Angelou  "if you don't like something change it, if you can't change it, change your attitude." I chose to change it and my attitude.

Get there, practice there, stay there....

Remember to
Smile, Show Up , Succeed Everyday
Find Peace Within
Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa

I'm Chasing Tomorrow - When Tomorrow and Soul Meets

Have you ever watched a movie that was just so adorable? Well, during the holidays I spent one day just watching animated cartoon movies. I came across this movie titled "The Crood's'. At first I was like, this is going to be a very boring movie but the more I watched, the more interested I became.

This is the story of the @Croods. 

The Croods is a family of cave people. They live in the cave and only the cave. They gather their food during the day, and hoover in the cave at night. They pay very close attention to the time of day as they would dare not to get caught out of the cave at night fall. They had a 16 year-old teenage daughter  Eep. Just like most typical teenage girls, Eep wanted to get out and explore life. She didn't want to follow the rules of the house, very disrespectful and rebellious to her parents, crude to her siblings and looking for a way out.

One night she found a hole in the cave and escaped out into the wilderness. Unfamiliar territory during the night, fearful but yet curious. What and who she ran into changed the life of the Croods. She ran into a young boy named Guy. Guy was a cave man too but an orphan. His family died in the mist of the earth being destroyed. She watched him make fire, which she had never seen. She listened to him talk about the light and tomorrow. You see the Croods didn't have hope for tomorrow and the only light they knew of was day light, which they never experienced. Her father discovered she had slipped out of the house and grounded her for days. Unknowing to him, the cave they called home would soon be destroyed by the earthquake.

As time went on, Father Crood found himself being lead to the light by little Guy, His family was now in the hands of an orphan who was smitten by his daughter and had a plan for his future.

One day Eep and Guy were having a conversation where she asked him where were they going (the earth was being destroyed by the earthquakes Guy said was coming).. Guy said he was going to tomorrow. Tomorrow was a the land of milk and honey. There were no fears there. There was nothing but happiness and happy light. Eep told Guy she had never hear of tomorrow as they only looked forward to eating and going back into the cave. Doing something new was not apart of their culture.

Now here is what got me. Guy always kept telling the family, "We're going to tomorrow".. they didn't understand what he meant but they trusted in his vision. When they came to the land of the light, Guy said, "we have reached tomorrow."

What is tomorrow? Tomorrow is that thing that you've been working so hard to obtain. Tomorrow is that thing that drives you to get up every morning and hit the floor running. Tomorrow is that vision that you wrote years ago. Tomorrow is that plan you put together that is now sitting on a shelf in your house. Tomorrow is sitting on that dream/vision board you have in your bedroom. What is your tomorrow....?

Here's one of my favorite quotes by @Oprah "What you do today creates every tomorrow." Don't stop chasing tomorrow today...your creation is waiting...

Remember to Smile Show Up Succeed Everyday
Find Peace Within,
Be blessed,
Ms. Lisa